I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
