singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
