you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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