Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
