Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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