if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
