i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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