Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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