I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
