Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is Oprah even human
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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