I wannas sexs uuuuu
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
