I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
