i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
