I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
