I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
