she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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