A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
