No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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