Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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