This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
