im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
