how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
