Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Your penis caused this!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
