he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
