Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
