After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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