I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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