I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
