Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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