you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
