he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
