I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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