I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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