defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She swung at the pinata with crutches
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
