The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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