i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
