is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
