Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
