I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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