Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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