guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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