I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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