I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
