Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
