Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
