my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize