I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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