I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize