i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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