Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
