wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
