he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
