Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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