His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
