i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize