I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
zippers are such a cool invention
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
