She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
