i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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