what day is it and did you see me today?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
