I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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