SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
