based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize