so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
