they said they heard you say put it in my butt
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize