My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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