Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
